Thursday, October 25, 2007

The Joys of Womanhood....

Got this email today and thought it was just TOO funny not to share with you...

"This is an actual letter sent to Proctor and Gamble from Wendi Aarons, Austin, TX, regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph...

Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal user of your Always Maxi Pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak GuardCore(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period." Are you f__king kidding me? Does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Kmart armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, if you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong", or are you just picking on us? Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull s__t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Best, Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX "

19 comments:

Lori said...

OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!! THIS IS TOO FUNNY!!!!!!!! LAUGHING SO HARD TEARS ARE COMING OUT OF MY EYES!!!!!!!

miss whit said...

Amazing.

The Rose Room said...

hilarious! and true!

Natasha Burns said...

Absolutely hilarious!!! How funny!!!!!!!!!

twinkleshabbystar said...

That was FREAKING HYSTARICAL!!!!

jeanetta said...

thank you cheryl and thank you wendi where ever you are for making me laugh. and bringing a little happiness to my time of the month. lol.

Cece said...

Who is this Wendy girl? Is it secretly you? heehee ;) As a woman who is intensely grumpy and difficult to be around right now I couldn't agree more! Off for some Advil and chocolate pudding! ttfn! Cece

Heather ~ Pretty Petals said...

oh my gosh!!!! Thank you so much for making me laugh... just so funny and I need to copy this for a few gal friends.

Very excited about Joli Paquet! Going to be fun!

jthom03 / Jan Thomason / thomranch@hctc.net said...

What a hoot!!!

I actually dropped by to tell you to visit my blog because you've been nominated for a VERY special award:)
http://polkadotbarn.blogspot.com

So I got blessed while trying to bless you! Perfect!! Jan

Kerryanne English said...

Oh, that is just too funny....very accurate....but funny just the same. Thanks for the laugh.

Dolly said...

Oh my gosh I love Wendy!
This is so true and funny too!

Loved it!
Hugz, Dolly

Niesz Vintage Home said...

Oh My goodness! That is the funniest thing I've read in a long time.

So TRUE! I cringe every time I hear that stupid saying on one of their comercials.

Kimberly :)

bluemuf said...

I have tears running down my face I've been laughing so hard.

Oh thank you for making my day

Karen

Sweet Roses & Vintage Chique said...

So Funny!!!! And also soooo true...

I get really annoyed when I'm having my period and i'm seeing all those comercials on TV with a happy, laughing bunch of women advertising for those crappy things. It's a good thing they don't print that remark here (in The Netherlands) on these things!

Thank you for telling them!!!!

Sugar Bear said...

Too funny and oh so true! I wonder if that letter was really sent!
Karla

RachaelEnsomFrance said...

I am quite certain that this is by far one of the greatest things I have ever read. That just made my day...my month, my year in fact!

Danielle said...

That's awesome! I feel the exact same way as we speak/type! Halarious! d.

Sleepy Hollow Craft Company said...

I love this! It is the God's honest truth! good for her!
~Jenelle

"I'm having my period and can therefroe legally kill you."

Sweet Remembrance said...

I am still laughing...
Thanks!
Priscilla