Change is in the wind...

I'm not sure what it is...

The weather has shifted; perhaps that's it.

But no, it's more than that. Fall IS in the air, at least temporarily. But there's a change inside me, as well. My baby is mobile. I found him in his bouncer chair the other morning...just kneeling in there, looking at me as if to say, "Not sure how I got here, but aren't I wonderful!" Good heavens! Is this what having a boy means??? My girls never climbed! Yesterday he pulled up to standing by himself, holding on to the couch. Today he pulled up to standing by grabbing the skin on my legs. Tomorrow he'll be taking steps, holding onto the furniture, I'm sure. If not tomorrow, the next day.

Perhaps this "shift" I feel has something to do with my baby learning to feed himself. He turns his head away from most "baby food" but will eat almost anything I chop up into tiny pieces on the table for him. Picks it up in his chubby fingers and (usually) gets it into his own mouth. He pulverizes it oh-so-slowly with his four teeth. Does this sound tedious? Well it is! A meal around here takes between a half hour and an hour. I spend at least a couple hours of each day, sitting at the table next to him, watching his little fingers pick up tiny bits of food and his little mouth work each bite carefully. Sometimes our six-year-old does her reading aloud while the baby eats his dinner. Sometimes I talk on the phone while I feed him. But mostly I sit and watch him eat. I feel like I am wading through mud. But maybe it's just a slower pace...
That's it, I think. My pace has slowed and it's not by my own choice so it feels a bit uncomfortable. I am normally more like a bee, buzzing from one flower to the next, always moving, always in motion, always on its way to the "next thing." I flit from washing machine to sink to computer to toilet to wipe a bottom to changing table to computer to stove to....well you get the idea. My slower time is usually at night when the kids are in bed. I sit in front of the t.v. and embroider or glue or, if I'm lucky, eat dessert. My mind is still moving but my body gets to slow down. But this new phase is causing me to slow my body down when it's accustomed to moving, getting done, accomplishing. And there's a bit of a "rub" there as my internal pace learns to change.I feel some other changes, though. I am looking at my art differently. The ideas filling my mind are new and they are deeper somehow. They come from a more emotional place and are more spiritual in nature. I am thinking less about what people will buy and more about "putting into words," with my hands, my needle, my sewing machine and my art supplies, things that are in my head and my heart. What makes me think that this might be related to the shift in my family is that the ideas I'm mulling over that are making their way into my work are almost all connected to motherhood, the bond between sisters, creativity and the spiritual life. And anyone who knows me personally knows that those things are closest to my heart. And this shift feels good. This feels "right." This feels like I have found a door I've been looking for for a long time and am striding toward it. I'm not through it yet but I know it's the right door and I am taking steps in the direction of it.

So I don't have any photos of new things I working on. I would love to let you peek into my mind and see what's in store but since that's not possible, I will have to wait to show you until I can bring them to life. But I thought it was time for a post that's a bit more honest, a bit more authentic (not that my other posts are deceptive!) and hopefully give someone else a bit of hope that they are not alone in whatever the slightly-uncomfortable-but-still-really-great place that they're in. Change is uncomfortable, but change is good, right? We'll just keep telling ourselves that and eventually we'll believe it!